I am writing this morning with a very grateful heart. For context, the last blog that I posted, (“staying faithful in hard to love seasons”), received an overwhelming amount of engagement & feedback. I think that is important to mention, because if that blog resonated with you, I want you to know that you are far from being alone in your feelings. I also think that it is helpful for you to know where I’m currently at. So, here I am. It brings me so much joy to share the many, many ways that the Lord is cultivating & strengthening my faith in this season of life.
In all honesty, I remain in a season that is hard-to-love, a season that has illuminated many gaping holes in my heart, & a season that has introduced a fresh & lingering wave of loneliness.
But, I share that with you only to more clearly display how the Lord has been at work in my life, in hopes that it helps those of you who are struggling with gaping holes of your own. The causes may be different, but the reality is we all have them. And it is actually quite beautiful when grace leads us to a place where we stop working so hard to fill them on our own. How beautiful when the circumstance remains the same & yet the emptiness begins to mend & overflow with the Lord God himself.
And, as I write to you, that is where I find myself today. Circumstances unchanged but a heart that is being renewed, stretched, & deepened day after day.
The Spirit of God is so powerful & so active. At this very moment, as I’m halfway into this blog, the Lord just brought to mind a journal entry that I had written on September 9th after going on a prayer walk.
I wrote:
I lack desire and passion, yet He is showing me that even here there is grace for me to receive.
I feel as if I lack absolutely everything I want & need, yet it is here that my eyes are opened to how He meets every single one of my needs. That I actually lack absolutely nothing.
I feel as if I don’t have much in my life that brings me joy right now, yet He is showing me that my joy is not rooted in any circumstance. That my joy is actually rooted in something much better.
I am too easily satisfied & content with the things of this earth.
I am realizing that it is only when we are stripped from the things that we have binded ourselves so closely to that He begins to take us deeper.
I can’t help but wonder, what if we looked at “trials” or “hard-to-love seasons” as a way to grow more deeply satisfied in Christ? What if we actually started to view the trial as a form of God’s love for us? That He cares for us enough to remove the things that too often block us from experiencing the depth of who He is.
It hurts. It feels nearly impossible at times to be a part of and to cooperate with the Spirit’s work, yet He continues to carry me forward.
After that walk on September 9th, I felt the strongest urge to write down my most vulnerable thoughts & feelings with no understanding as to why. But, fast forward to now (almost two months later), & as I’m writing this blog, the Lord impressed that very journal entry upon my heart. And how beautiful that it is exactly what I wanted to express to you today, without even knowing it.
I pray that you make the choice today to let Him fill the voids in your life. To remove all barriers that keep you from knowing Him, truly knowing Him. And to open up your hands & your heart & to let Him cultivate within you something new. It is painful & we are naturally resistant, but He remains the same & He is the anchor for our soul. Nothing in all of creation can satisfy our hungry & searching hearts like the Lord.
And let me tell you, friend. I am so thankful that I have finally let my heart rest where it needs to — in His hand. It is here that our hearts are renovated, molded, & strengthened to carry out the work that He has for us — even if it is in a season that we are still struggling to find the good in. He understands & He is near. Keep going.